my grandma

I went to visit my grandmother (nai nai) today at the SGH. Everytime i see her, i always ask myself the same question: Since when is the last time i visited her, what was she doing at that moment?

My grandma currently bedridden, kidney failure. Requires dialysis for almost 10 hours every day. Sometimes I just wondered, what can you do just by lying on the bed? It seems life to be very meaningless, but that is the only way to slow down the pace in life or society. What i can remember about my grandma was that she slowly walking to the living room during chinese new year and asking us "You want Bak Kwa". Guess thats all i could remember about her. There are many reasons to it. Like when i am very very young, my parents never wanted me to stay at my grandma house for the day like sundays only my brothers did. Somemore, I always have the perception that she only care to look at my big brother than me or any other cousins since he is the eldest. Lastly, being the only girl in this family it dont seem to be of importance. As my family prefer guys than girls. So thats the reason mostly why I dont have much rememberance of my grandma.

Looking at her today, she was sleeping so soundly, even snoring. I was told that she was sleeping whole day without eating, drinking. It just sound like in coma sort of thing or maybe someday she is goin to another world by just sleeping. Maybe when she is still around, i should pay more attention to her bah..